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’ It is the betrayal that hurts most, and I know I’ll never trust him again.
Yet on a day-to-day basis our relationship continues. I cook for him — although often, I confess, I’m tempted to infuse his food with garlic when he is due to see Jackie — and I dutifully wash the shirts and the underpants he discarded on her bedroom floor when they had sex.
Will suffers from erectile dysfunction, and although we used to make love only every three months or so, I did not want to embarrass him by raising the delicate subject of his impotence, so I accepted the dwindling of passion and enjoyed our closeness and affection instead.
But now, when I try to kiss him, he turns his head and proffers a cheek instead.
But recently I watched, alone, a TV programme featuring an old couple — she was terminally ill — and the love and tenderness her husband showed her made me weep because I knew I would never experience that selfless love again.She is divorced with two children and I have discovered that her daughter not only goes to the same school as Alice, but is in the same form.Mercifully, the two girls are not friends, but Alice has pointed out Jackie’s daughter to me and I know that she is a pretty party girl, while my daughter is shyer and more studious.The signs of his infidelity seem so obvious now I know the truth. One morning, long before he awoke, I scrolled through hundreds of his text messages.Oddly, while I could — just — endure their tenderness, I hated these frequent allusions to Alice.