Online counseling sexual abuse
But, it is actually the abuser who chronically causes others to feel that way – with their constant criticism, name-calling, insults, condescension, humiliation, and blame.No one in their relationship(s) can do anything right in their eyes except them, and others will often try to modify their behavior in order to try to avoid the abuser’s constant devaluation and criticism. “Walking on eggshells” is how an abuser often describes any request to recognize or respect someone else’s feelings besides his/her own.(ie: ““) For most people who posses the ability to empathize normally, empathy isn’t an issue.For an abuser, it’s a lot of work because it’s not something they’re used to having to do — and it’s a skill they aren’t much interested in.The problem is, an abusive person will only look at THEIR feelings and SOMEONE ELSE’S behavior — instead of looking at SOMEONE ELSE’S feelings and THEIR behavior (as Lundy Bancroft describes in the excerpt below).When confronted, one of two things will usually happen: They will escalate their abuse – or they will end it – claiming that their partner(s) are being “unreasonable”, “too sensitive” or “twisting things around”. The abusive person will claim that *other* people are trying to make them “walk on eggshells” (projection) if they’re asked to recognize or respect anyone else’s feelings or needs.Several people have asked about this and we’d like to address it in case any one of them – or anyone — is ever faced with this — or knows anyone who is faced with it: If you are in any type of intimate relationship where there is abuse: verbal, emotional, psychological (ie: gaslighting, crazymaking), sexual, or physical — and the abuser suggests “couples” or “partners” counseling as a means to try to “work things out” or as an ultimatum to stay in the relationship – DON’T fall for it.Couples counseling does NOT work where there is abuse in a relationship because it does not address the issue.
Below is a GREAT write-up by Lundy Bancroft (author of “Why Does He Do That?
When their partners express hurt because of the abuser’s behavior, the abuser will claim the partner is just “oversensitive”.
The fact is, the abuser is the one who needs to develop some sensitivity.
As I stated earlier, this is very narcissistic behavior.
Abusers are often narcissists or sociopaths or simply have very strong narcissistic or sociopathic tendencies, primarily marked by a complete lack of empathy towards their partners (beyond the initial romance stage), or at least a marked inability or unwillingness to recognize or respect anyone’s feelings or needs other than their own. Couples therapy often will only reinforce abusive behavior and they become even more slick and condescending and manipulative with their tactics.